yo-yos

I read a book several months back called How to Make your Kids Mind without Losing Yours. A friend of mine loaned it to me. About halfway thru the book there was a chapter on yo-yo parenting. As I read the paragraphs I knew that was me to a tee. One day I am super strict. The next day I let everything slide. Then the next I am somewhere in between. It all depends on my mood, what I have been doing, how much pressure I am under, and whether I have been reading my bible and spending quiet time in prayer, etc, etc. Sometimes I wonder if my kids think they are living with the Three Faces of Eve.

Yo-yo is a term that could apply to almost every area of my life. Consistency eludes me. Sometimes I am just so faithful when it comes to spending my free time reading the bible and I get up early and do my prayer time and I feel great... but then for no apparent reason I fall away and I realize that it has been days since I have really prayed. I generally say little prayers all thru the day, but I am talking about carving out quiet time to meditate on God's word and really seek Him.

The same applies to my marriage. I go for long period of time where my husband is on my priority list where he should be and then...bam... things get busy or hectic and I realized that its been days since I have given him a decent hug and kiss or given him any affection at all. I just get so wrapped up in the minute to minute caretaking of kids and the home that I forget he is even there.

It seems like in every area of my life I run hot and cold. I really want to be more consistent. I know that there isn't a magic potion or spell for consistency. I have a sneaking suspicion that like everything in life it requires that I be more aware and not just living in the moment and that I do the work to accompliish it.

Sometimes I look at all the work I have to do and feel so overwhelmed. But then I come to my senses and realize that all I have to do is turn them over to God and then be willing to follow His direction. And instead of feeling overwhelmed I feel excited to see how He will work in my life. I know how far He has already brought me and I know that He is committed to finish the work that He has started in me.

Happy Turkey-day!!!

Well, it is finally here.... Thanksgiving.....I am stuffed to the gills. One dinner down... one to go. I went to Mr.Clean's family dinner today at lunch time. And tonight we go to my family dinner. I will fast for the remainder of the week and exercise diligently to undo the damage I've done today....Nah... I don't have the self discipline for that.

I took two new recipes today. Well, one is a revamped old recipe. The revamped one was potato casserole..it has hashbrown, cheese, sour cream, and cream of mushroom. I decided to add some bacon to it. I love loaded potatoes or cheese fries with bacon. I don't eat them, but maybe once a year if that, but I sure do love 'em. The bacon made it so much better. I might experiment next time with adding a little ranch mix or dressing. I am determined to have a recipe of my own that everyone begs me to bring. (I am the youngest sister in law, so everyone else has there 'thing' that they do best and bring already.)

The other thing that I took was a peppermint patty cake. I don't like peppermint patties, personally, but Mr. Clean does. I just used a really decadent recipe for chocolate cake and then put a mixture of cool whip, chocolate pudding and some peppermint extract between the layers. Then I iced it with chocolate icing with peppermint extract mixed in and then just garnished the outside with chopped up peppermint patties. It was a huge hit. Next time I might use Andes mints instead of the peppermint patties. They were sticky and hard to chop up even when they were cold.

Enough food talk.... In the spirit of Thanksgiving I'm going to do a top ten list.
What I am thankful for.....

1. God and His plan for salvation ( I could go on and on here.) His mercy, kindness... the fact that He created the universe and everything in it an yet He still wants to have a personal relationship with each of us. The fact that He loved us so much even though we are sinful and flawed that He sent His only begotten Son to come to earth and go thru temptations and suffer and ultimately die on a cross for our sins.

2. My wonderful hubby. Each day I love him more and more. He is such a good man and loving husband and terrific father to our boys and great provider.

3. My wild and rambuncious little boys. They are the light of my life. They are so much work, but it is so worth every minute of it and every 'sacrifice' that I've ever made. I can't imagine my life without them. They have been a true blessing from God. He has used them to bring my closer to Him and understand Him more.

4.Our health. My hubby, kids, and I have been blessed with good health. I am so appreciative of the fact that we are all well.

5. My friends and extended family. It is such a blessing to have so many people that care about me and that I care about. I think about how lonely people must be when they have no family.

6. My home. Our home is a really old home and its really small.... but its cozy, warm, and homey. We have a brand new couch that I have been wanting for a few years now. So we have a great new place to pile up with the kids and read.... and in a few weeks watch all of the old Christmas movies on ABC family channel.

7.My mini-van. I am so thankful that we were able to get a van after the birth of #2. It has made my life so much easier. I could nurse and change diapers in the car. Mr. Clean's parents are old and not able to drive themselves. Now that we have the van, we have room for them and us. And that makes it so much easier for them.

8. My church. I am so thankful that we go to a great church and have a great pastor. We have so many friends that have kids the same age as ours that we've met thru church. Our church has given me the oppertunity to teach a women's group and I love every minute of it.

9. Our neighbors. We live in a great neighborhood where everyone looks out for each other. And all of our neighbors are friendly.

10. I am thankful that I was born and raised here in the mountains and that I am still able to live here. These mountains are a comfort to me. When we go on vacation, even though I enjoy it, when we drive up the interstate and the flat lands start to roll and I see those big, beautiful mountains in the distance.... I know everything is okay and that I am home. I have seen lots of beautiful places, but none I would trade for the Appalachian mountains.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. And may God bless you.

blogger beta

I switched over to the blogger beta the other day. I like it, but it just makes it way to easy to change my blog template. I have dial up internet, unfortunately... so it is pretty darn slow. But now it takes just a few seconds to change the colors and the template. Not good. I am extremely indecisive. I may have a different looking blog every day.

Christmas Plans

The holidays are upon us. I can already feel the pressure mounting. I am doing better each year about getting rid of things that don't work for our family and adding in more traditions that do. Some of this tweeking is a little upsetting to extended family, but....that's the way the cookie crumbles.

This year I think our Christmas Eve tradition of going to my grandparent's house is going to get the ax. I have given it alot of thought and I really think that it is for the best. My grandma passed away four years ago and my grandpa hasn't decorated or had the meal at his house since. It is now at my mom's house. We don't usually get home until late and the kids wake up cranky on Christmas morning. --We are going to invite my grandpa down for a special dinner of his own with us on the 23rd that we still get to see him.

This year we are going to stay at home and start a tradition of our own. We are going to make a special meal. Not really sure what... but something out of the ordinary for the kids so it will be memorable. And then we are going to read the Christmas story and talk about the true meaning of Christmas. I am determined to put Christ back as the focus of our Christmas. I would like to find a Christmas cartoon or something of that nature that we could pile up and watch.

We have also added another new tradition this year on tree decorating day. This year we are going to buy each of the boys a new ornament that symbolizes something that has been important to them and let them open them at the end of decorating. So that will be the last ornament on the tree.

I am also looking for an advent calendar or coloring book or something of that nature so that we can talk about something Christmas related each day leading up to Christmas. I am going to use it instead of the devotional that I usually use with the kids each day.

I am really looking foward to Christmas this year. Despite some ruffled feathers, I think it will be the best Christmas ever.

watching a train wreck from the sidelines

There is nothing I hate worse than watching someone I love make very bad decisions. I wish sometimes that I could just let younger girls spend a day in my head and learn from some of the completely stupid mistakes that I have made.

I know that my mistakes aren't for nothing... I, at least, have learned from them. But man, its been a long, hard road to get to where I am today. It just kills me to see someone else starting out on that road. I have a relative that just turned 18 and she quit school and she's in love with a guy that may not be so great for her. Not that he is a bad guy, its just that he doesn't seem very mature. I understand the attraction.... believe me. That whole no one pays attention to you so the first guy that really shows you any interest at all you latch onto for dear life and pray that it never ends I get it. That was me at that age.

Its funny to think back on my first 'real' relationship... I say that with a hint of sarcasm. He was a complete idiot. I say that in the very nicest way possible. But at the time, I thought that he was the greatest. I even accepted an engagement ring from him at the tender age of 19. eeekkk... I would never survive raising a daughter.

At the time I thought that our love would never end and that he was my everything. But life has a way of happening and eventually I woke up and realized that he wasn't even close to my anything... much less my everything.

At that age I thought I was so smart and so mature. But in retrospect... sitting here at the ripe ole age of 31 I see just how childish I still was. Not not mention niave and oblivious. I didn't have a clue. I don't think I really started to even get a clue until I was in my late 20's. And even now I am sure that when I am 40, I'll look back at 30 and think, 'man, look how much further I've come.' Its just a shame that you can't take some of your maturity and experience and transplant it into someone else.

I guess when you are watching a train wreck from the sidelines all you can do is pray. So that is what I will do. I know that God got thru to me....eventually. And that all things are possible with Him.


(....all you can do is pray.... I guess my own lack of faith or whatever you would call it shows thru sometimes. When I reread my post and saw that statement, I realized how foolish I can be. I said it like that is a last resort when I have ran out of human options then I'll go to God. God is still working on me. That should be my first response and my most important response to any situation. )

....

If we truly love people, we will desire for them far more than it is within our
power to give them, and this will lead us to prayer: Intercession is a way of
loving others.--Richard J. Foster

gotta pee?

A couple of days ago I took the kids to town to run some errands. We had been on the go all morning long and I really had not given much thought to the fact that the Banimal had not gone to the bathroom ALL morning long. (Even though I strive to be SUPER MOM, I am far from it) We were loading the groceries in the car and getting ready to head home when the Banimal started doing the pee-dance. You know, hopping back and forth from one foot to the other and yelling in a whiney tone of voice....'MMMMMOOOOOMMMMM, I've gotta ppppeeeeeee!!!'

Okay, okay, I get it. I knew he was in critical condition and time was limited. I turned around to unfasten Pterydactyl boy and take him out of his carseat. I knew we were going to have to haul it to make it all the way to the back of the grocery store where the bathrooms were located. When I got him out and looked back at the Banimal, he already had his pants around his ankles and his little willey was shining for the world to see.

I calmed down and thought, 'okay.. this isn't that bad... he is just a little boy... no big deal...' But just as I was thinking 'no big deal' he started to pee.... unfortunately we were parked right next to the buggy drop off and the Banimal was whizzing all over the buggies. Due to the fact that he had held it ALL morning, he had quite a little stream going. So he was able to wet both lines of buggies.

There were a couple of little old ladies staring with their mouths wide open. I was just standing there like an idiot holding Pteradactyl boy. What could I do at that point? The damage was done.

I learned several things that morning that I don't intend to forget.
1. No matter what is going on..... always ask the Banimal if he needs to pee every hour on the hour when we are out.
2. Always wipe down the grocery cart with the antibacterial wipes provided at the store.
3. Even though I will wipe the buggy down.... I will always put my produce in a bag before putting it in the buggy.

My mission

My mission this month... which was inspired by Thanksgiving... is to give a card or some small token of thanks to all the people that have influenced my life in a positive way. I got a note the other day from a girl I know from a book club I am in and she just told me how my friendship had been a blessing to her. And it just made me feel so great to know that I was able to touch someone.

I pray that God will use me and lots of times I really don't see it happening. Or I am not aware when I am smack-dab in the middle of His will. I say things and do things and I walk away and forget about them and never realize what an impact that it made. Now that works for good and bad. But we are always more focused on falling short. But it was nice to know that I had done something good and uplifting and helpful.

So, I thought what a great thing to do for the people that have been there for me. I kind of have a list in my head of the people that I want to do this for. Today I put something together for a gal in my Wednesday night bible study. She is always so upbeat and you can just feel the joy radiating out of her. Not just happy, but joyful. You know the kind of Paul-like joy. Not happy because everything is going perfectly, but joy because she has found the secret to life. She always thinks to compliment people and say words of appreciation. She is someone that I have learned a great deal from and I hope that this little gift just lets her know that people notice her acts of kindness.

Next on my list is my childhood sunday school teachers. I haven't seen them in years. I don't go to the church I did as a child. But both those ladies had such a profound impact on my life. The first one was my teacher when I was a preschooler thru about kindergarten or 1st grade. She didn't have any kids and she was so excited to see us coming each week. I felt so important to her and so loved. She taught me the simple lessons, the basics. I still have the children's bible that she gave me.

The other lady was my teacher from about fourth grade to middle school. She was there when I gave my life to Christ. And I don't think that I would have made that decision without her loving guidance. She exhibited true fruits of the spirit. I read a book recently called Naked Fruit and there was a line from it that said that 'fruit is what markets God to a hungry world.' I think that seeing her fruit is what gave me a hunger for God.

I didn't see that at home. But to my mom's credit she did take me to church faithfully. So without her putting me there physically I would have never came in contact with these ladies. God is giving me a heart of love for her and I am going to let her know how much I appreciate her taking me to church so that I could be apart of all of that. My unforgiveness for her is slowly and I do mean slowly melting away.

Well, the election is over...

It's finally over... for good or for bad... I am not so sure yet. I hope everyone got out there and let their voice be heard. I am a firm believer in voting.... you can't sit around and complain if you don't . And while I don't like to complain in general... politics and government just bring it out in me.

This year I felt more than ever a nagging sense of doom as I went into the voting booth. I am conservative for the most part but I don't really consider myself a republican. However, the idea of Nancy Pelosi coming to 'power' makes me more comfortable than ever with the title of 'republican.' But anyway... this year I had to make a tough decision between Heath Shuler, an unknown enitity and democrat, and Charles Taylor, the most corrupt man in congress. I have always kind of known about the allegations, but this year they were more in my face. So reluctantly I voted for Shuler. I felt kind of guilty afterwards... but my husband relieved my guilt. Since he voted for Taylor, he basically cancelled me out. I guess my guilt for voting against him came from the fact that he has done so much for the veterans in our area and the fact that he had seniority. Oh well, Shuler won so now we get to see what he is all about.

I was happy to see that alot of the democratic candidates that won were more moderate than they have been the last few years. I was also excited to see an independent win (Joe Leberman). I was not so happy, as I stated earlier, about Nancy Pelosi. And Hilary Clinton winning again didn't make me feel warm and fuzzy. To me those women are just examples of people who are just driven by their own political motives with no heart or concern for the people they serve. Well, I guess that really discribes 99.9% of the people in government. ooops. I am all for a woman president, even possibly a democratic woman president, but not Hilary.

My prayer and hope for the 2008 election is that all the good candidates that have been trying to decide whether or not to run will miraculously come out of the woodwork. And that there will be people that I look foward to voting for. I am so tired of choosing the lesser of two evils.

Chrismas is coming...

If you don't believe me... just look at your local Walmart. They tore down the Halloween stuff on Halloween day and started putting up Christmas things. I am not sure what ever happened to Thanksgiving. You know that pesky little holiday meant for giving thanks. I guess telling God you are thankful doesn't require Walmart so they just move right on to the big daddy shopping holiday.

I found this quote that pertains to Christmas....

One response was given by the innkeeper when Mary and Joseph wanted to find
a room where the Child could be born. The innkeeper was not hostile; he was not
opposed to them, but his inn was crowded; his hands were full; his mind was
preoccupied. This is the answer that millions are giving today. Like a
Bethlehem innkeeper, they cannot find room for Christ. All the
accommodations in their hearts are already taken up by other crowding
interests. Their response is not atheism. It is not defiance. It is preoccupation
and the feeling of being able to get on reasonably well without Christianity.

Billy Graham

Here is hoping that Jesus finds room in my inn this year. I love every part of Christmas, the true meaning, as well, the Santa part. But every year I try a little harder to make sure that the true meaning isn't shoved aside for the Santa part and all the parties and shopping.

It is sometimes hard to make that commitment to seek and find God on a daily basis and then you throw in a thousand other distractions in and it seems almost impossible. But, man is He worth it. To feel God's love and peace in the middle of the insanity is ssooo worth it. And in a season of thankfulness and gift giving how could we forget to be thankful for the greatest gift ever given.

Grateful heart

Thou who hast given so much to me, give me one more thing - a grateful heart!

George Herbert

Man, do I need to work on this. I read an interesting article a couple of weeks ago about the two different types of gratitude. One is the 'thanks God for all the stuff you've given me and the blessings in my life' and the other is 'thanks God for being God.' Boy, do I need to work on the later.

I am thankful when it comes to thanking God for His blessings in my life. But how shallow and self-centered to just stop there. I began to think about the idea of thanking God for just being who He is. I realized that I could go on and on.

Thank you for sending your precious only Son to die on a cross for a world who despised Him.... and the ones who didn't despise Him are like me... just shallow humans with a flawed sin nature that are incapable of fully appreciating such a gift.

Thank you for being merciful and full of grace.

Thank you for loving me and giving me your best when I deserve the worst.

Thank you for being a GOd of second, third, forth... etc.... chances.

Thank you for creation and all of the beautiful things in it.

Can you think of anything to be thankful for? Maybe we should all spend more time cultivating a heart of gratitude.

IIIII'MMMM Baaaccckkk!!!!

Well, it feels good to blog again. It's been a long time. I guess now that the cold weather is setting back in I'll have alot more computer time.

Well, I guess I should do a summer recap..... hhhmmmm.... not much to recap.

Hubby and I took the kids to the beach. The Banimal... who is now a little boy and not a baby ...wha..whaa... tears.... is an official beach bum. He would have just moved to the beach. He tends to be a little sensitive and easily scared, but he was fearless at the beach. He would let the waves crash over his head and carry him out. We had to grab him a few times. He also puked a few times. Poor kid has the easiest gag reflex of anyone I have ever met. He'd get a big mouth of sand and ocean water and then blluuuckk.. Okay, everybody.... load up and move a few feet up the beach. He wasn't ready to leave and now he is already begging to go back. Pteradactyl boy loved it too. He was pretty fearless, as well.

Let's see... what else... Well, I am back to my fighting wieght and I feel great. I am going to run a 5k race next year. That is my goal, at least. I am not so sure why I am enamored with running.. I have always hated it. I have always been of the opinion that running should only be done if you are being chased by some kind of rabid animal or axe-weilding psycho. But over the last few months I have changed my mind.

I personally think that it has to do with being couped up in the house with screaming kids. When my kids are fussy and fighting and screaming.. in my mind all I can think about is Forrest Gump..... yep, you read it right... Forrest Gump. You know the part of the movie where he 'ran and ran and ran and then one day he just stopped.' I can just envision leaving my screaming children... in a safe place, of course... and just running and running until I just run out of steam. In my current condtiion I might be able to make it to the end of the street. I guess I wouldn't even have to call Grandma for that one. But hopefully, by spring I will be doing a 5k.

I can see now that my blogger status is going to be seasonal. I had alot of fun reading blogs and writing my own, but now that the weather has broken and the sun has started to shine I can't possibly sit in the office on the computer. It is like punishment to sit here in the dungeon and look out at the beautiful day.(My blogging time is in the afternoon when the boys are asleep)

I guess since I don't have a following and since I do this mainly for my own amusement I can not-blog guilt-free. I am going to start taking rainy days and keeping up with all the blogs I used to check out. I miss reading everyone's posts.

I guess alot has happened since I posted last. I survived the trauma of my baby turning 1 yr old. I held a newborn baby and didn't feel the need to get pregnant again. So that's a good thing. I got pregnant with Pteradactyl boy when the Banimal was about 14 mos old. I look at them both now and I can't believe that I thought that the Banimal was big enough for me to have another baby. Well, lesson learned. If there are anymore siblings they will (God willing) be a few more years down the road.

Pteradactyl boy is walking and climbing and getting into absolutely everything. It is much worse than I remembered. I think its worse because now when Pteradactyl boy can't figure out how to get into something he has a very helpful older brother. So they get into some interesting situations together.

I am ready for a beach trip. This weather has me jonesing to go to the beach. AAHHHHH.... the salty wind.... warm water.... sand between my toes..... But reality check... being a landscaper's wife means that there will be no beach trip because this is busy season. Oh well, I am determined to have my beach trip this year... sometime.

Well.... I am going to go and soak up some sun for a few minutes before the wild ones wake from their slumber full of energy and raring to go.

This was just to good to pass up. Poor bunny.

My favorite Picture

I

have searched high and low for this photo.  I thought I had lost

it. It is me when I was about 3 or 4 yrs old.  I reorganized my

office and went thru a bunch of papers.  This is me to a tee.

Crazy daze

Man, things have been crazy here at home. Mr Clean is working alot which leaves me and the boys at home. By the time he gets home they are running for the door. He thinks that it is just that they miss him so much... well, it is in part, but I think they are just running away from me. Two cranky kids and a cranky moma doesn't equal happy days. The Banimal has started to cry when he dad leaves in the morning so that gets the day of to a wonderful start. It doesn't take him too long to calm down, but by then the baby is tired so he kicks in.

I am ready for summer. We need to get outside and air out. The kids and I are always in better moods when we go outside everyday. We had some great weather a couple of weeks ago, but yesterday it was snowing and today its just yucky and cold. Well, hopefully we won't have too much more winter to endure.

Next Wednesday we are loading up and going to see Carebears live. Won't that be so exciting. If I don't post for a few days you will know that all the small kids got together and started a rebellion and the mom's didn't make it out alive.

What is up with the Carebears making a comeback. They were popular when I was a kid. The cartoon came on Saturday mornings.... I think. I never was a big Carebear kind of girl. But now kids are crazy about them again. They don't even watch the show. I think you can by videos, but to the best of my knowledge, they don't come on tv. The Banimal has never seen them before. The tickets were cheap and a bunch of his little buddies were going so I figured "what the heck." I may live to regret that decision.

Well, that about sums up my very exciting life. Hopefully next time I post I will be in a better blogging frame of mind.
Oh, btw, check out the blinkies. I am so totally addicted to them. They are like cheesy bumper stickers for your blog. Cool, huh?

I have started drawing again. Its something that I used to do and really enjoy. Now that the boys are getting a little bigger I have a little more free time. So.... here is my first masterpiece... hehheheeehee! 

Supermom!!!!

I try not to compare myself to other people, but on occasion I catch myself, in true female fashion, dragging out a check list to see how I stack up against the competetion (other moms). Most of the time I feel I am about even with most of my friends. We all have strange little quirks and our house aren't immaculate all the time and we have a few extra pounds of baby fat to loose, but not much.

But there is one friend that we completely exclude when we do the checklist. She is SUPERMOM. She has four kids and a week and a half after giving birth to the last one by cesearian section she had the newborn and the toddler at McDonald's. I have only had two kids and after having the second, I didn't leave the house alone for months. And to add insult to injury.... she was wearing her pre-pregnancy jeans. UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH@!!!!!!!! the nerve.

Her house is always clean. And her husband works alot of hours, so I find this even more amazing. I can never get anything accomplished when Mr Clean isn't here to watch the kids. I have conferred with other moms and we are convinced that she has a tiny migrant worker that lives in a closet and she only brings her out to clean and cook when no one is around (kind of like on Desperate Housewives.)

Mr Clean constantly teases me about her, because he knows how fascinated and perplexed I am by her. He tells me that when she is done with all her daily chores and she has put her 4 kids to bed she slips out of bed and into the bathroom and changes into her superhero costume and flies across the city saving people in distress. Well, all I have to say is come look at my kitchen. I am in distress....Come save me!!!!!

I really think she should write and book and enlighten the rest of us. I know there is some trick or magic to it. At least I hope there is. I am afraid the truth is something I am not going to like..... maybe... the reason she is so thin is because she works so hard all day and burns off what little calories she takes in. And with 4 kids under 6 she probably doesn't have time to eat very much. I like eating. I don't like working very hard...if I can help it..... I'll just hang on to the hope that its magic.

This is my brother, Jason. ( I just realized how funny this looks with the baby pic and then the wedding photo. You might be a redneck if... you marry your sister. Not hardly. We don't live that far back in the mountains. I am proud to say that Mr Clean is of no relation to me. But anywho... I'll save close kin marriages for another post. I just don't have any other photos of him. He is never around. I am really actually surprised that he came to my wedding . I am even more surprised that he wore a tie and had his picture made.) The other picture is of us when he was about 9 mos old.



I really can't believe that as much as I abused him when he was a kid that he has anything to do with me now. I still watch my back when he is around. He says all is forgiven, but I am not so sure. I used to pinch him and then threaten his life if he thought about telling Mom. But I wouldn't let anyone else pick on him. In fact, in the 6 th grade I got thrown off the school bus for 3 days because I come across two seats and punched this idiot in the head for calling him "fat" and making him cry. I was the only one allowed to abuse him.


He is a very funny guy. In fact, he is one of the funniest people I know. He can make a trip to the grocery store side splitting hillarious. Really he doesn't say much that isn't funny. He will even turn some terrible, tragic event into a funny story after the fact.

I worry about him though. He just turned 26 and he is still at home with my parents. I hope my parents live a long, healthy life, because when they die he IS NOT coming to live with us. He is way to messy. I think that the constant exposure to my mother for the last 26 yrs has taken its toll on him. Who knows if he will ever move out and be able to work his way back towards sanity. As long as she does everything for him, I seriously doubt he will even try.

But anyway.....Happy Birthday, Jason!!!!

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.


Isaac Asimov

Wanted: Female single or married between the ages of 50-65 that is interested in adopting a 30 yo daughter. Needs to be patient and kind and understanding and to be a great listener, full of loving motherly advice and willing to dispense it. No financial contributions necessary just emotional. I think that I would be a great daughter.....Plus you get a wonderful son in law and two adorable grandsons to boot.

I have had it with my mother. I think after many, many years of dealing with her that I am ready to let go of my foolish dreams of her being what I would consider a 'good mother.'
I overheard her tell someone this weekend that she didn't care what I asked her to do or not to do. That what I said didn't matter and that she would do as she pleased. All I have asked from her is that she call before coming to our house especially if it is early in the morning or around dinner time. I don't think its too much to ask. But I guess I know down in my heart of hearts that this is just a symptom of the true problem. And that is she just has no respect for me. And I have decided after 30 yrs that I am not putting up with it any longer. She can go walk all over someone else because I give. Sometimes it takes me a while to get it.... but I see it all very clearly now.

Is there anything chocolate can't fix?

Well it finally happened. My little Banimal has been a wild one since he was in the womb. He is a little daredevil. And yesterday he finally got hurt. He has had bruises and bang ups but nothing to make note of. But yesterday he was climbing around on the neighbors picnic table and fell between the table and the seat and caught his mouth on the table. He didn't cry much, but he split his lip. There was blood everywhere. I think he was more upset about the blood being on his clothes than he was the pain of actually getting hurt. He has a nice fat lip today and a tooth that is really sore. I don't think its loose. Hopefully it won't give him any trouble. I am going to give him a week and if its still bugging him I'll call a pediatric dentist and get them to take a look.

I handled it pretty well. Its hard to see your baby hurting, but I stayed calm. I felt like screaming and crying but I kept it all inside. After it was all over I felt like I could use a valium. But I just settled for a Dove chocolate truffle egg. Is there anything a little chocolate can't fix?

If you are there, please pick up!!!

I had went over to the neighbor's house this morning to borrow a cordless drill and had just stepped back thru the door when I heard the phone ring. Mr Clean has been getting lots of calls here lately (he is a landscaper and this is the start of his busy season.) I thought about not going in the office to answer, because its usually just some retiree wanting yard work done, but I decided to go and check. As I got closer to the office door I could hear that it was my brother on the other line. And he didn't sound good. "If you are there.....pleeeeaaaassseee....pick up." I knew something was bad wrong. For one, he never calls and two, he never, ever, ever has asked me to "please" do anything. So I picked up and he told me that he needed me to take him to the hospital.
My brother is the most accident prone person that I have ever met. He makes regular trips to the e.r. He has broken most of his bones at one time or another, has cut the end of off his bird finger (which if you knew him would be real irony), and has had more stitiches than I can count.
So when I picked up I naturally wanted to know how he had gotten hurt. But to my surprise he had just been sitting in the recliner when it all started. He was in alot of pain so I hurried to go pick him up and rushed him to the hospital. Once we got there I realized that I should have probably called ahead and just took my time driving. We live in a small town and the hospital isn't known for speedy service. We sat (well, I sat Jason laid and rolled around in the floor) forever waiting on a nurse to take him back. What I didn't realize was that we were about 15 ft away from the nurse. She was hanging out with some friends that had brought there new baby in to show her. So while she was gooing at the newborn I was trying to explain the basics of Lamaze breathing to help him with the pain. ( There were two small children in the waiting room and Jason has a mouth like a sailor especially when under stress) So I felt like I needed to do something to keep little virgin ears from hearing some very bad language.
But finally the e.r. nurse got it in gear and took him back. They doped him up and ran a bunch of tests on him and found that he had a few kidney stones. The male equivilent to giving birth, I am told. I might have to disagree since a baby is a whole lot bigger. But , it is painful none the less. So I guess I was right on with the lamaze.
But alls well that ends well. He is resting semi-comfortably at home waiting for his little 'babies' to finally move on out.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. Helen Keller

Today I went outside as usual with my boys to play for a while before naptime. And we walked over to our big grassy field. The Banimal begs to go to the big field because there are huge piles of mulch to climb on and play in. So we went and played. It was a gorgeous day. Beautiful blue sky. No clouds.
Before we got ready to go back to the house we sat down in the grass to rest and the Banimal wanted me to lay down. It has been years since I have laid down in the grass. So to appease him I pulled up my hood and laid down. It was such a strange feeling. It was like seeing something you used to know. Visiting a place that you haven't seen in years. It was sort of familiar. It felt like it did when I was a kid.
The world is such a beautiful place. We run around in it so wrapped up in getting thru the day that we miss the best parts. I can't tell you the last time I felt as relaxed as I did laying there in the grass staring up at the big blue sky.
I am definately going to schedule in more sky staring time on my 'to do' list.

Peace and war begin at home.
If we truly want peace in the world,
let us begin by loving one another in our own families.
If we want to spread joy,
we need for every family to have joy.

Mother Teresa

the wonder of it all

I found this site and I thought that the pictures and the message were beautiful. So take a break and kick back and relax for a few minutes and take a look. I bet you'll feel a little more centered and much more relaxed.

Enjoy.
wonderofitall.com

Gee, I feel old.

There is nothing like talking to teenager to make you feel old. I keep in touch with one of my cousin's daughters who is 16. And when I talk to her on the phone or email her sometimes I have these horrific realizations. I guess for the most part I don't really think of myself as any age in particular. But a part of me still feels like I did when I was a teenager. But when I talk to her I realize just how 'not a teenager' I am.

Its funny I can remember before my grandmother passed away she told me that she looked into the mirror everyday and thought 'who is this old woman staring back at me.' She said in her mind she still felt like she did in her late teens to early twenties. She said that her outsides didn't match how she felt inside. I guess I am starting to realize some of what she meant.

Normal day

Normal day...
Let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Let me hold you while I may,
For it may not always be so.
One day I shall want more than all the world your return.

Mary Jean Iron

Sometimes I get caught up in looking ahead too much and not just enjoying where I am. This quote helps me to remember to just savor the moment. I guess the monotony of day to day makes me wish sometimes that I had some excitement. Changing diapers and picking up toys seems kind of boring day after day. But I just remind myself that when the boys are grown and gone that I will miss these uneventful days that we spent playing in the living room floor. These are 'the good ole days.'

To be yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

EE Cummings

A family pet

Well, it has taken me almost a full year to talk myself into it. But I am ready for a family pet. We are going to take it in baby steps. The Banimal has wanted a fish since I was pregnant with Pteradactyl boy. But I kept putting him off, because I knew how crazy life would be with a new baby in the family. But now Pteradactyl boy is almost a year old and I think we could handle the responsibility of a fish.

I have decided to get a Beta fish. I figure as low maintenance as they are surely we can keep the little sucker alive. And should tragedy befall our new pet, there are a whole bunch more that look just like him at Walmart for a couple of dollars. Maybe if this goes well I might buy one of the bigger tanks. But right now we will just see how it goes with the Beta.

This is so funny because in my former life....pre-Mr Clean and kids. I was a huge animal person. I had an 80 lb dog that lived in the house with me. I always had birds and dogs and cats. I had a horse for several years as well. But for the last five years I have been pet free and I really have enjoyed it. After having two kids so close together the thought of a dog and having to take care of it seems like alot of work. I figure I have a few more years before the dog thing comes up. WHew...

Sunny days... sweeping the clouds away

Man, it has been so nice outside the past few days. Yesterday I actually got a touch of sunburn on my arms. I am so ready for spring to chase Old Man Winter away. Even though I was holding out for a decent snow, I am hoping now that maybe snow could just be postponed until next winter. I want to put on my shorts and take off my shoes and dangle my toes in the water on warm, sunny days.

All this warm weather has me thinking about yardwork. I have a list of things I want to get done and I am anxious to get started on them. I want to do the worst job first...paint the garage. But after that its just little gardening projects which I enjoy. Mr Clean has to get busy on fencing the yard in. I will be crazy if I don't have a fence to keep in the boys.

Turning point... yeah, right

Oh well, so much for a turning point. I took both boys to the doc yesterday and they tested positive for the flu. At this point my hope is that I don't get it, because someone has to take care of them. Mr Clean missed a week when he had the flu so he needs to be at work. So I am praying that it passes me by.

I have to say I would recommend Tamiflu. Neither boy has been as sick as I had anticipated. So I think the tamiflu really does a great job.

Turning point

The last two weeks have been very difficult. I have been stretched and pulled in more directions than I ever knew existed. My kids and Mr Clean have been sick. It started out with Pteradactyl boy getting an ear infection. Then Mr Clean was struck down with the flu. He spent an entire week, yes, seven full days, laying in the bed barely moving. And in the meantime the Banimal got an ear and sinus infection which set off his asthma so we got to do more antibiotics and breathing treatments.

I am exhausted. But I am also proud of myself. I managed to take care of everyone, well, in all fairness, Mr Clean took care of himself mostly. All he really needed was boxes of Kleenexes and occasional tylenol and water. But the kids are always high maintenance when they are sick. I also didn't let the house go to the degree I normally do when we are all sick.

Mr Clean being sick was a big handicap. He is my righthand man. He always helps with the kids in the evenings so that I can get things done. So I was amazed that I was able to do it all.

Mr Clean always goes to the doc with me when I take the kids so taking them to the doctor without him seemed like a daunting task. Especially since it was the Banimal that was sick. Even though he is the oldest, he is definately the more clingy of the two. So he always wants to be held. The problem is that the Pteradactyl boy can't walk yet so you have to hold him. While we were in the doc's office in the waiting room the Banimal spiked a fever and started puking. Luckily we made it to the bathroom. My situation along with the fact I hadn't slept in weeks almost brought me to a breaking point. But I came to my senses and realized that even though I really just wanted to cry more than anything, it wouldn't do anyone any good. So I sucked it up and handle things.

There are a couple of things that I have learned over the last couple of weeks. I am more capable than I ever imagined. But that I truly have to depend on God for my stregnth. Sunday I was falling apart at the seems, but I just told God (what He already knew) that I couldn't do this on my own that I needed His stregnth to sustain me. And sure enough I felt renewed. The other thing is that the life of a single mother must be very difficult and almost overwhelming at times. I have so much respect for single moms. This past week was a little glimpse into what things might be like for them. (Only I knew that in a few days Mr Clean would be back on his feet.)

Hopefully, today will be our turning point. Everyone seems to be getting better. Mr Clean is up around which makes things ten times easier. I am so ready for cold and flu season to be over and for warm weather to get here. I am tired of cold and snow and snotty noses and coughs. I want to think about the beach and warm breezes.

Something to think about

I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in a magnificient glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

--Jack London

Pediatrician sent a thank you note

Our pediatrician sent us a thank you note. They were able to purchase the rest of the building they were in and expand their office due, in part, to our generous donations...oh wait, I mean payments for office visits.

I think doctors are in a great position to create return business. When you take your kid to the office you have to sit for 30 mins to an hour in a waiting room swarming with coughing, hacking, snotty nosed kids just like yours. I am sure that if you weren't sick when you got there that you are when you leave.

I used to be a laid back mom when it came to germs. I didn't go crazy and make my son wash his hands constantly and I used to make fun of the mom's that would wipe the buggy down with the antibacterial wipes. But no more. I am joining them. I bought a purse sized box of wipes and three or four bottles of the waterless hand sanitizer. During our last doctor's visit, I think I made the Banimal wash his hands at least 4 times and forbid him to put his hands anywhere near his face until we left the building.

We will see if going over to the other side will help. Now I will be the mom that the other mom's are making fun of. oh well.

Dinosaur troubles

I left the room for just a few minutes today... I swear it was less than 2... and when I came back poor little Pteradactyl boy had about 10 dinosaur prints on his face thanks to the Banimal. The Banimal got a dinosaur stamping kit with an ink pad and he decided that his brother needed a little decoration.

I think that kid is going to be the death of me. I believe that he is what they call "active". He is into more than I can keep up with. And now that he has a little brother that adds a another layer to the whole situation. Poor, poor Pteradactyl boy.

Banimal turns 3

Well, I have had a ton of stuff going on here lately. I haven't posted at all. I have read some of my fave blogs, but not that often. I have really missed the blogging world.

My oldest son turned 3 this past week. My boys birthdays are always traumatic for me. I don't know why. It is so bittersweet to watch them grow. Part of me, a big part, just wants for them to stay babies forever. But it is so much fun to watch their personalities develop. The Banimal can talk really well now and its fun to hear his opinions and thoughts on life. (which he has a ton of.)

His strongest opinions have to do with my hair. He told me the other day that he liked my hair brown and that he did not like it blonde and that he prefered long hair to short. He also informed me that he liked it when I wore red. I am wondering what his career path might be. Who knows, he may grow up to be the fashion police.

He also told me that he married his dad when I was in his tummy. I just said that he speaks well, I never mentioned anything about his comprehension. We had been talking about when Mr Clean and I got married and how he came along about 9 mos later. He is very interested in marriage. He chases his 9 month old brother around with a white sheet trying to stick it over his head telling him that he is going to marry him. Needless to say, we are going to have to have a few more conversations about marriage and the rules that go with it. Like you can't marry your own brother. You gotta love a 3 year old.

The bachelor in Paris... gimme a break

I was surprised to see another season of The Bachelor. I keep thinking...how long can this go on. But I guess I should be glad. It gives Mr. Clean and myself something to make fun of.

I think the whole Paris thing is so overrated. Paris... the most romantic city in the world. Who says? Don't even get me started on the french. But anywho... They kept showing all these clips of catty women in histerics and then they flash back to a picture of the Eiffel Tower. My bet is that one of the final 4 climbs to the top and threatens to throw herself to her death if Dr. Travis doesn't pick her.

I love the way that they try to pump you up about how romantic the show is. I just don't see anything romantic about 24 (some intellegent and some not so) women chasing one guy around begging him to pick them. And just think if you make it to the end what you have. A guy that has been kissing and making out with multiple other girls just as hot and heavy as he has been with you. Maybe I am old fashioned but being in a contest with other women for a guy is just not that appealing. They should change the name from Bachelor to The Gigalo.

Just think if you marry and have kids what kind of story that will make for your kids. "Yeah, your mom and 24 other gals were lined up like cattle and I picked her. She had good teeth and breeding hips. Lucky her. It could just as easily been Muffy the blonde accountant from Little Rock. But your mom put on her game face and pulled it off in the end."

And there was the most pitiful gal ever on there last night. She was a doctor and she went up and told the dude first thing that 'she was in the reproductive stage of her life. Her eggs were rotting.' Somebody please tell the girl... you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, under any circumstances tell a man you have just met that you want to have babies, that is unless you aren't interested in dating him and you just want to scare him off. The chic needed some serious therapy.

I guess I'll be tuning in from time to time to check out the cat fights. I am sure from the previews there are going to be plenty. I think the fact that they are all fighting for a potential husband that is a doctor makes it that much more intense.

M y Dad

My dad is such an interesting person. He has done so many things and lived a life that is hard for me to imagine. He has lived thru hard times and a childhood that don't even seem like they could be so. Sometimes when he tells us stories I wonder if he is using a little creative licensing, but later own I'll run into someone who was there or had first hand knowledge of it and they will verify everything he has said.

We were talking last night about how many times he has been across America. He hitchhiked across twice in the 60's and rode a train across (also in the 60's) and then a few years ago he was able to take a couple of weeks off from work and he, my mother, and another couple that they are friends with went. The times that he hitchhiked are of interest to me.

I grew up in a time where hitchhiking was not safe and for the most part you don't really see that many hitchhikers out there. But I guess things were different back then. The first time he hitchhiked it took him nearly two weeks. He said that he felt like he must have walked a good portion of the trip. He went with two guys that he grew up with. They were looking for work in the saw mills and lumber yards.

While they were going thru Kansas they got 13 different rides in 18 miles. Dad said it was like a revolving door. They'd get in and then it was time to get out. Some of the places he went thru had strict laws about hitchhiking and he said they would throw you in jail if they caught you thumbing a ride. He walked from one city limit to the other of Salt Lake City, because of that.

On the other side of Salt Lake City a man that was going back to a military base after being on leave picked them up in a volkswagon. It had been days since they had slept. And the guy offered to take them almost to Longview, Washington (which was where they were headed.) It was out of his way, but he was a day early so he had some time to spare. My dad said that he rode in the back seat with one of his buddies and a dufflebag. He was packed like a sardine, but at the time he was so tired that he didn't care. He just leaned his head back and slept for hours. When he woke up he felt like his neck was broke.

I asked him about the time he rode the train. I was interested in the route he took, but all he could remember was that his brother dropped him off at a train depot in Hendersonville, NC and that about halfway thru the trip they were pushing thru about 4 feet of snow.

I thought it was interesting that he only went in the winter, but he told me that the saw mills and woodyards wouldn't hire any outsiders until all locals had jobs. So in the summer there wasn't any work, because the high school kids would go to work to make some money.

My dad is one of the best people you will ever meet. When I meet people and I tell them who my dad is they always have good things to say. He is unlike anyone else I know. He believes that the moon landing was faked by the government and that a Bigfoot almost got his dad one night while he was using the bathroom in the woods. But on the opposite end of the craziness is a person who always has the answer for any problem. Someone who doesn't hold onto the sorrows of the past and always tries to find a way to put a funny spin on the worst situations. I have seen him meet a stranger and get into a conversation with them and learn that they had no money and give them his last 20 dollars. And he isn't gullable either. He reads people better than anyone I know.

I remember a time that we were eating at a local burger joint and my dad started talking to this young guy at the next table. He found out the guy had just moved to our area and things weren't working out for him. He was living in his car and didn't have and job and was down to his last couple of dollars. My dad took out all the money he had in his wallet (which was about $50) and gave it to the guy and then told him some places to look for work. About 2 yrs later we ran into that same guy in a grocery store and he remembered my dad and came up to him and reintroduced himself and tried to repay my dad, but, of course, he would not take it.

I think being the oldest sibling and growing up incredibly poor and with an alcoholic father taught him how to be resourceful and compassionate. He empathizes with the struggles that people go thru.

Okay okay... enough bragging. He will never read this since he is definately not computer literate (one time he was in a government building and he thought that an electric pencil sharpener was a spy camara ), but I tell him how proud I am of him as often as I can. I try to get him to tell me and my kids stories from his life and I try to remember as much of them as I can. I really think that his story would make an excellent book. But who knows if that will ever happen.

e 

The miner's

I have been watching the news over the last few days trying to keep up with the story about the miner's. I was so hoping for a great outcome. It is all just so sad.
I was watching a morning show and one of the hosts asked how does a mine stay in business with 45 safety violations...well I can probably tell you how. I used to work at a quarry. I was right out of college and it was a real eye opener for a fresh kid.
After working there for a while the boss who I shall call Buttwipe (I'll use a variation of the Pirate's boss man) decided that he would send me to safety school to learn everything I could and when I got back I could be in charge of the "safety program." Well it all sounded wonderful. But the reality of the situation was that he was looking for someone who was niave like myself to send to school and then bring back and put my name down as being in charge of safety and then continue doing business as usual with a convenient little scape goat.
Conditions were not good. When I went to school it was a complete eye opener. I couldn't believe that there were so many potential dangers lurking around. Long story short... they had no intentions of changing things and I had no intentions of standing idly by while all these things were happening. So after much stress and arguing I told them to stick it all where the sun don't shine.
But along the way I realized how the big world works. You buddy up to the inspectors and by them lunch and when you have safety conferences you take them out drinking and to dinner and when they come and inspect your quarry then they turn their heads the other way. Never mind that the safety of human lives is what all of this is about.
It made me sick. I had options in life but alot of men (I was the only woman there) didn't. They had little to no education and for alot of them it was a given to work at a quarry. The men in their families had for generations. Most of them were the sole bread winners in their families so if something happened to them the family was without income (not to mention a father and husband).
But Buttwipe didn't care all he was worried about was the almighty dollar and he was willing to roll the dice and bet that he would get away with it. And he did. Thankfully no one got bad hurt. Recently, Buttwipe sold out to a bigger quarry so I don't know how things are now. I am not usually a vindictive person. But I would love to see him and his cronies penniless and on the street corner.
But back to the miners I bet dollars to donuts that the mine owner's was rolling the dice the same as Buttwipe, only things didn't turn out so well. My heart goes out to the families of the miner's. And if there is any justice in this world I hope that if the mine owner's and safety inspectors weren't doing like they were supposed to that they are punished to the fullest extent of the law.

what a great day

I don't know where to put my order in, but I want to order up another day like today. There isn't a cloud in the sky. The sun is so bright and warm. I took the kids to the park this morning and we just wore long sleeves and fleece vests. I think it is at least 50 degrees. This is wonderful. Usually the highs this time of the year are around 35-40 degrees. So this is awesome.

THE NEW YEAR.... a few days after the fact

I hope the fact the I am post New Year's resolutions three days after the fact is no indication of how my year is going to be. I was hoping to be a little more on the ball this year. Of course, I have hoped that for over a decade and nothing has really changed. I guess I might actually have to put some serious effort forth to do that. Oh well.

I have been thinking about what resolutions I am going to make. I guess I could really say anything because I am not good at keeping them. So I could just make up crazy stuff. But I will try to be practical and write down a few that I might actually keep.

1. To make both boys lay down by themselves and take a nap and actually do something I enjoy while they are sleeping. No housework.

2. To get in better shape and whittle off those pesky 10 lbs of baby weight. I hope to be at pre-baby weight by Pteradactyl boys first birthday in April.

3. To spend at least 3o mins three times a week at the piano. I should probably do more. But that is more realistic.

4. To write at least 2 posts a week on the blog.

5. To throw away all things that we do not use and declutter my house.

There I am done.

I have to say I am excited to see what 2006 has in store for me. 2005 was pretty good. We added sweet little Pteradactyl boy to the family and the Banimal potty trained. I actually got the Banimal to sit thru story time without having to physically restrain him. (I have been working on that one since he was 18 mos old.)We have had alot of get togethers with our friends this year. Other than the lack of sleep brought about by having a newborn in the house the year has been great.