Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Isleep deprived mother syndrome

I haven't slept the night thru in a very long time. I have a seven month old who didn't get the memo. You know the one that said, "at seven months you should most certainly be sleeping thru the night and giving your poor rundown mother a break." I need to find out who is in charge of sending those out and let them know that Pteradactyl boy was left off the list. (Actually I do feel sorry for the little guy his teeth are killing him. He has three already.)

I guess I'd love to blame my sleep deprivation completely on him, but I have to shoulder my part of the blame....which happens to be about 99.9%. I have lead him to believe that I am a 24 hr milk machine. It started out so simply. He was hungry in the middle of the night so I would bring him to bed to nurse and fall asleep in the process. Well, know he thinks he needs me, the human pacifier, to put him back to sleep. (My neighbor says who can blame him. He is after all of the male persuasion and what man could pass up the oppertunity to lay next to a warm, soft woman with a boob in his face while he is going to sleep. He wants to know where he can sign up. He also attributes breastfed babies being the happiest to this theory.)

I have thought about letting him cry it out. But there are several problems with this. First and most importantly, I have an uncontrollable urge to make everything ok for my kids and I can't stand the thoughts of him crying in the middle of the night. Second, I have the Banimal sleeping in the next room. You absolutely DO NOT under ANY circumstances want to wake that child up in the middle of the night....especially in an unpleasant way. If he got roused up, we would all be crying. (I think he gets that from me.)

I need the "easy button" like in those Staples commercials. I just keeping hoping that the situation will resolve itself with little or no effort on my part. And I am sure that it will...about 5 mos or so from now when the little booger weans... but I can't make it that much longer.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Christmas shopping

I actually went shopping the day after Thanksgiving this year. Well, actually that is a lie. I went to the mall the day after Thanksgiving with absolutely no intentions of buying anything. My mother, who is a huge shopaholic, convinced me to go.

Its about an hour drive for us to the closest city with a mall. Needless to say, I hardly ever go there. Occasionally, I'll need something at Babys-R-Us and so I'll make the trek. But in general, I hate shopping. And now that I stay at home its pretty much pointless to look at things you are not going to be buying. I'd rather take the kids to the library or the park.

Anyhow.... I agreed to go because I needed something from Babys-R-us. But first we went to the mall. I loaded the kids in the double stroller and gave the almost 3 yr old Banimal the "mommy's expectations about your behavior" talk and then we entered the labyrinth of insanity.

First of all.... they need a bigger mall. The stores had merchandise stuck in every conceivable hole in the joint. Just tons and tons of junk. Lots of stuff stuck in the isles. You know the kind of cheap stuff that looks kind of neat that you get that kind of hard to shop for person.

The people were a whole nother story. Women carrying more than their body weight in Dillard's bags. People making their kids get out of the stroller to put bags into the stroller. And there was so much plastic flying at the registers. The credit card companies are going to have another great year.

We spent most of our time following my material crazed mother around as she looked for the 'perfect gift' for everyone down to the preacher's first cousins' sister in law. But the kids enjoyed it. They like all the lights and the Christmas trees. I don't get them out much so its a new adventure when we do the mall. About half way thru the trip, as a surprise to the Banimal, I whipped out what we affectionately call "the Leash." He was happy. I wait until he is figgety and then I let him walk around kind of as a treat. Aren't I terrible?

Oh yeah... and for the icing on the cake three layers thick.... he got to ride a train in the mall, meet Ol Kris Kringle himself (although we opted out on the pic... they wanted nearly $15 for a mug with Santa), and Chick-fil-a was the the cherry on top. They had a man dressed up in a huge cow suit handing out free waffle fry cards. The Banimal was way more impressed with the cow dude.

Well... that was my mall excitement for the year. Hope its at least another year before I have to go back.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Tom Cruise Rant.

I used to be huge Tom Cruise fan. I remember when I was a teenager how we used to watch all of his movies over and over and just salivate over him. We would do marathons where we would sit and stare at the tv for hours just watching Top Gun or Days of Thunder. He was the best.

But now I can't even stand the site of him. After the whole Brooke Sheilds debacle I just hate to even see his face on tv. I wouldn't watch one of his movies if you gave me a free ticket. Who does he think he is???? Maybe he is a little confused. I don't think he has ever recieved any degree in medicine to my knowledge. And further more unless he is a really convincing cross dresser he has never had any experience with being pregnant or any of the stuff that comes with it.

Well, now I read that he is giving poor little gullable Katie Holmes (or Kate as he calls her) regular check ups on his on personal sonagram machine. Hello!!!! You are not a doctor and you haven't even played one on tv. He has gone over the deep end.

I think maybe he should spend a little less time with his Scientology-nutty buddies at the center and rejoin the rest of us here on earth.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

100 things about MOUNTAIN GIRL

After much thought and deliberation.....here is my list. This was hard.

1. I am a Christian. (I thank God for His grace and patience.)

2. I am a work in progress.

3. My father is one of the greatest influences on my life.

4. I was a tomboy growing up. Still am in many ways.

5. I was extremely rebellious thru my teenage years. I got involved in alot of things that I am not to proud of.

6. I love to learn.

7. I love to read self-help type stuff and bio and autobiographical stuff.

8. I am blessed to have a several really good friends. One I have known since kindergarten, one since seventh grade, and one I met on the first day of college. I still talk to all of them on a weekly basis.

9. I barely graduated from high school but I graduated from college with a 3.85 gpa. Its amazing what a difference paying for your education makes.

10. I usually feel more comfortable around guys. I grew up with all boys and was always just treated like one of the guys.

11. I am learning how to hang out with women, but it is different and difficult at times.

12. I have worked at a rock quarry and doing construction.

13. My first marriage was a disaster from the start.

14. The years I spent with my ex-husband were the lonliest and most difficult years of my life so far.

15. I went on a cruise with my ex husband (we were still married at the time) and really seriously contemplated pushing him off the boat one night when he was drunk. But I didn't.

16. Instead I came home and filed my divorce papers. One of the best decisions I have ever made.

17. I miss working from time to time.

18. I love giving the perfect gift. (doesn't have to cost alot. I just love it when you are able to give someone something they absolutely love.)

19. There is something that I like about working outside and doing physically difficult work and even being dirty at the end of the day.

20. The day that I married my now husband was one of the happiest days of my life. When I met him I knew I had found "home."

21. The days that my boys were born are my other happiest days.

22. My husband is 17 yrs and 11 mos older than me. He graduated high school the year I was born.

23. I almost let him slip thru my fingers because I didn't know if I wanted to date someone that much older than me. Boy would I have missed out.

24. I like getting older (the alternative sucks) I learn so much every year.

25. My children have brought great joy and alot of hard work.

26. Before I had the Banimal I had never fed a baby or changed a baby.

27. I have always been afraid of the dark.

28. I played piano well enough to get a partial college scholarship but now I can barely read music or play 'Twinkle, twinkle, little star.'

29. My mother forced me to play and my rebellion was to stop once I turned 18 and never touch the keys again.

30. Lately I have toyed with the idea of picking it back up again.

31. I love anything that is artistic. music. painting. drawing. crafting. even play dough.

32. I was a member of NOW when I was in college.

33. They would be so disappointed in my outcome. Stay at home, mother of two, submissive little housewifey.

34. I feel like the little domestic housewifey suites me way better than the hostile man hater.

35. My husband says that I have "Little Red Hen Syndrome" from time to time.

36. I thoroughly enjoy my little domesticated life.

37. I worked for most of my twenties and don't have a penny to show for it.

38. I have less and spend less now, but I am so much more satisfied.

39. I absolutely love Blues. especially Buddy Guy and BB King.

40. I also love classic rock and southern rock. (I had written old rock at first, but my sweet hubby explained that its called 'classic' not 'old'.) I think that's how he chooses to look at himself as well.

41. I love doing service/volunteer work.

42. I don't drink caffiene.

43. I love chocolate. (kind of a double standard... I'll eat caffiene but not drink it.)

44. I make a mean pan of biscuits. Just the way my Grandma used to in a cast iron skillet.

45. I love to cook

46. I have a huge recipe collection.

47. My graduating class only had 51 people in it.

48. I loved college because there were so many different kinds of people there with so many different points of view.

49. I love to talk to people that I have nothing in common with.

50. I talk way too much. Always have.

51. I open my mouth and speak without thinking. A habit that I have been working on.

52. I love to play sports.

53. I used to love to lie when I was a kid. It was like a challenge to try to get them to believe you.

54. I have a really hard time telling people "no". But my husband has helped me to stand my ground more.

55. I seem really tough on the outside but I am really a big mush pot on the inside.

56. Having kids has made me even mushier. I cry about all kinds of crazy things.

57. I am extremely sentimental. I keep all of the cards that my husband and kids give me.

58. I am obsessed with pictures. I have lots of pictures of my family and friends.

59. When I was in the sixth grade my mom would not let me shave my legs and a boy in my class called me 'cow legs'. I have shaved my legs nearly ever day of my life since my mother finally let me. I can't stand to have hairy legs.

60. People always comment on my smile.

61. I think that my green eyes are my best attribute.

62. I had an aunt that used to babysit me when I was about 7 and she would close the blinds and turn off the lights and turn her disco ball on and play Rod Stewart's 'If you want my body' and 'abracadabra'. I thought I was at the club and I used to dance for hours to those 45's. that was one of my fave memories

63. I love to read quotes.

64. I can memorize the words to a song after hearing it once.

65. Unfortunately I am a terrible singer.

66. My favorite color is red.

67. I am a dreamer.

68. I resist change (according to Mr Clean, resist don't quite cover it).

69. I have always wanted to do something artistic for a living.

70. My dream job would be to have a shop and make custom cabinetry and small furniture.

71. I love Seagrams Ginger Ale.

72. From time to time I watch General Hospital.

73. I would never admit it to my friends.

74. I was born almost 7 1/2 mos after my parents married. I was 8lbs. You do the math. My mother still to this day, 30 yrs later, will not admit to anything.

75. I don't get along with my mother. (that's a blog of its own)

76. I enjoying blogging very much.

77. I did natural childbirth.

78. I feel like I can do anything after that.

79. I LOVE pizza and macaroni. Not necessarily together. I am carb crazy.

80. I love to be outdoors.

81. When I was pregnant, I secretly wished for boys.

82. I hope to maybe have a little girl someday.

83. If money was not a consideration, I would love to have alot more kids.

84. I never wanted kids at all, until I met Mr Clean.

85. I think sometimes I might have adult ADD. Mr Clean reaaures me its just having kids.

86. Sometimes I think parts of my brain are turning to mush. (from lack of use)

87. I am great at dreaming up ideas and things to do.

88. I have a hard time following thru with things.

89. I don't really believe in horoscopes, but I am exactly how they describe libras.

90. The chinese horoscope thing that's on the placemats at all Chinese restaurants says that Mr Clean and I should never be together. What does a placemat know?

91. I usually wear a tshirt, jeans and a pair of TEVA sandals.

92. When I was a kid I would cry until I was sick because my mom would make me wear frilly dresses and she would curl my hair.

93. I used to rock climb.

94. I rode a motorcycle for a couple of years. (I sold it when I married Mr Clean. He doesn't ride.)

95. I went gray prematurely. I have been dying my hair since I was 26.

96. I have good looking feet. ??? I asked my husband what he thought I should add and this was his contribution. He said, 'Beware of the woman with ugly feet.' He says all men know this. ???? I am confused.

97. I eat like a lumberjack and always have.

98. I have never ordered a salad and pushed it around on a plate to impress a man.

99. I like comedy. movies, tv, books.

100. This was the hardest thing I have done in a long time.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Just some random things that bug me

Directional poop.... I have a baby that can have poop all in his clothes, his carseat, on his back, in his hair but not have one drop in his diaper. Please tell me how does poop manage to come out of a kids butt and miss the diaper on his butt completely.

Quaker oats..... Why in the world does Quaker not give you 5 strawberry and 5 peach in the box. They give you six peach and four strawberry. It seems reasonable to me that if you buy a box with only two flavors that there would be an equal amount of each in the box. Who are they kidding... its not even like there is any real fruit. Most of that stuff is apples that are flavored to taste like strawberries and peaches. How much more could strawberry flavoring cost.

The reason I even care about this is that I have a toddler that loves strawberry oatmeal. I really wish they would save me a lot of trouble and make just a box of strawberry.

Traffic lights.... Our town just got a whole new traffic system. I am sure cost more money than I would care to know. Two things bug me about it. First, there are these big, black poles with arms that the lights hang on which that in its self is no problem. But the whole deal is that they are supposed to be more appealing to look at ( you know the whole tourist thing. Lights on wires aren't as cute?) But any who..... The thing is there are still power lines running everywhere. So now we have these monsterous poles and tons of wires.

Secondly, you'd think that a new computerized system would help traffic to move along...but you would be very, very wrong. Where there were no problems, there are now. And where there were short little waits now there are really long waits. I thought this morning that there was a wreck or something ahead of me, but it was just the poorly timed lights.

Sorry for the complaining... It won't happen next time.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Fightin'

I was reading a post today over on the
  • Pirate Journal
  • and it made me think about when I was growing up.

    I grew up with all boys. And since we lived in a rural, not-so-good part of the county they were not sophisticated, sweet, bookworm boys. They were fighting, tree climbing, spitting, cursing boys. So I had quite a little mouth on me and could usually back most of it up.

    Every day we'd all ride bikes and play in the woods. Sometimes we'd make us a pretend WWF wrestling ring and we'd just wrestle and horseplay. That never worked well though because someone always hit someone too hard or unfairly took a swing when they weren't looking and then it was pure mayhem until someone's mom came out of the house with the broom or a hickory. Pary over.

    But anyway... I remember when I was in 5th grade this new kid named Brandon came to school. He sat near me and picked on me constantly. He would tell me how he was a karate master and how he was going to Japan or some place like that to study and how he was going to throw his chinese death star at me and kill me. Well, this built up day after day after day. Until one sunny day we were out on the playground for recess and he came up to me and started all his karate junk and I decided that enough was enough.

    He jumped up on one foot with his hands posed high in the air. (I am sure in his mind he must have thought he was the karate kid.) All the kids started coming around as he started 'heeeing and hooing' and then out of the blue before he could do anything I kicked him right in the nuts. He immediately hit the ground thrashing around and gagging. And I just turned and walked away. OOOOHHHHH You have much to learn grasshopper.

    Later that week the teacher called my mother and father in for a conference. In this conference she told my parents that I was too rough for the boys and that my parents should buy me Barbie dolls and other more feminine toys. Little did she know that I had a whole collection of Barbie's and that I played with them regularly.

    This situation had nothing to do with Barbie and everything to do with a little boy who needed to shut his mouth and stop bullying. BTW, he never again mentioned anything about death stars or karate chopping me.

    Sunday, November 13, 2005

    A few funny stories involving the Banimal

    We gave my first born son the nickname 'the Banimal' when he was a tiny little baby, mainly because of all the funny animal-like noises he would make. Banimal is part baby, part animal. Little did we know how well it would suit him on into his toddler years.

    Friday morning I got in the shower and about half way thru I heard the bathroom door open and the pitter patter of Banimal feet. I asked him if he was okay and he said "yes" and I asked him if he needed anything and he said "no". He was really quiet while he was in the bathroom.... and quiet is not a good thing at our house. When he gets quiet I start looking cause something is going down.

    Anyway... I get out of the shower and I realize that I don't hear him so I go in the living room. He is sitting in the floor with something square looking held up to his mouth. Upon closer inspection I realize that it is my birth control pack. He had eaten two already and was trying to gnaw his way thru to another. I guess we want have to worry about any unplanned pregnancy, huh?

    Saturday, I was in the home office and he came to the door and told me 'Mom, I peed in the other potty.' He has been potty trained for a few months now, so I said 'that's good. You peed in your potty.' Then he corrected me, 'NO, the other potty.' So I assumed that he had went to the big toilet. So I said, ' That's great. You peed in the big toilet like dad.' and again he said, 'No, the other potty.' Then I got a little worried, because there is no 'other potty' in our house. So I asked him to show me where. Well, to my great surprise and dismay he had urinated in a veggie steamer. I had put it on the floor next to the door because the neighbor wanted to use it.

    I cleaned it and cloroxed it and later that evening while I was cooking dinner he went over and started playing with the timer on the veggie steamer. In a few minutes he came over to me and held up his hands and handed me a pretend bowl. I asked him what was in my pretend bowl and he looked at me with a huge grin on his face and said, "Pee soup."

    Life with the Banimal is never boring. If I can remove myself from being so 'Mom' most of the things he does are really funny. He is my comic relief. He is a true boy thru and thru. He giggles when he passes gas and burps. He thinks its hillarious when I burp. He likes bugs, worms, and dirt. He likes to inspect his poop. Anything gross he thinks is great.

    I have had to learn to loosen up especially since he has a brother that's two years younger. There is no end in sight. I am outnumbered. So I figure if you can't beat em, join em.

    Friday, November 11, 2005

    The Mousacre

    Yesterday was a dark day in the Mountain girl house. I kept smelling something and it wasn't good. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just a dirty diaper that someone had tossed in the kitchen garbage, but down deep I knew that was not the case. So yesterday I asked Mr Clean to take all the canned food out of the lower pantry, because that was where the smell was coming from. There was no way I could do it.

    After moving just a few cans we found our first victim. He was still fresh so we knew that we were going to have to go deeper. Sure enough, back in the deep, dark depths of the pantry there was the culprit.... in a flower vase I had stored there, no less. I decided that the flower vase wasn't worth the effort so we tossed the vase, mouse and all.

    I reorganized the pantry and cloroxed everything including the outsides of the the cans. And while we were doing all this we decided to pull the fridge out to make sure that there wasn't one under there. Well, we pulled it out and sure enough there was one, but he was alive. At least for the time being. After we cleaned under the fridge we started to scoot it back and the mouse didn't run as fast as we were pushing the fridge so.... you guessed it. He bit the dust and the Banimal came in just in time to see the carnage. It was pretty disgusting. I will start saving for therapy for him now.

    From now on I think we will use only traps under the house. No more poison. I can't take another round of that. I felt like I couldn't bathe enough after all that. I don't know why I am such a weiney when it comes to all that, but thank God for my husband. There is no way I could have done his job. I was freaked out just watching and cleaning up. I hope and pray that no more mice come in.

    Wednesday, November 09, 2005

    Mouse, mouse go away.

    I live in the country and I have a huge field near my house. Every year when it starts to turn cold the teeny tiny little field mice come into my house seeking refuge from the cold... and food from the cabinets. This poses such a moral delimma for me and Mr Clean.

    We are both animal lovers. Unlike alot of the men I know, my dear Mr Clean does not desire to be a great white hunter. All of our friends and relatives that are male pretty much kill everything the law allows them (which is fine for them). But we aren't like that.

    Now, back to the mouse, or mice I should say. If they were ugly disease carrying city rats it would be no problem to snuff them out. But they are these insy-winsy, furry brown little things. Most of them are no bigger than a golf ball. They have these adorable little pink ears and these shiny little black eyes. They look like they should be a pet for someone.

    Unfortunately for them I have two little boys in the house who spend most of the day crawling, rolling, and scooting across the floor. And I cannot bear the thoughts of my kids being where little mice have been. Or the little suckers getting into my cupboards and into my food.... so they gotta go.

    I don't take any joy in this, but that's the way its gotta be. The upside to this is that my Mr Clean and I have a pretty traditional marriage. So killing little furry critters that are in our house clearly falls under his jurisdiction. tee-hee-hee. I can sleep good at night knowing that there will be no more little mice in the house and that I was not the one that had to snuff out the little boogers.
    Here is another photo that I took. I don't remember the name of this waterfall, but it is beautiful. Posted by Picasa

    Monday, November 07, 2005

    Looking Glass Rock

    This is Looking Glass Rock. It is in the Pisgah National Forest.
    I feel so blessed to live near such beautiful places. I think that Western NC is one of the most beautiful places in the world. (I guess that's why we are over run with retirees and tourists. I can't blame them. If I didn't live here I'd want to visit too.)  Posted by Picasa

    Friday, November 04, 2005

    Hiding... NO MORE

    I think I may have made more progress in my life than I previously believed. I got up Thursday morning and decided that I was going to the grocery store in my glasses. I mainly kept my head down and try to avoid eye contact, but its still a big step.

    This morning before my doc's appt, Mr. Clean offered to take us all to the bakery for breakfast. I thought about not going, but the promise of a hot, buttery scone won out over my embarrassment.

    It is pretty funny. People who had never seen me in them were doing a double take. I could tell they wanted to ask about them, but I never said a word. I just kept talking like nothing was different.

    I am very glad to be back in my contacts and my comfort zone, but I realized that wearing my glasses wasn't the end of the world. Of course, none of my "friends" saw me. You know how that would go... friend is code for someone who is comfortable enough with you to laugh and make fun of you in a moment of psuedo-crisis (such as having to wear your big thick glasses).

    I guess I need a little ridicule so that I don't take this all too seriously. SO on that note..... at the request of OPIE OUTLAW.... I will post some glasses pics in a couple of days. I'll even go to my mom's and get the good stuff. You know, the middle school ones. glasses, braces, bad hair, and all.

    If you are feeling like you need a good, hard belly laugh just come back in a few days.

    Oh yeah, while I am embarrassing myself... why don't you all dig out one of your "awkward years" pics and post it as well. You know you've got them tucked away somewhere.

    Tuesday, November 01, 2005

    I am hiding out.

    I went to the eye doctor the other day and he informed me that my contacts are shot. He also told me that I would have to wear my glasses for 3 days prior to my eye exam to get an accurate reading. I really would like to see out of my new contacts, but three days is a bit much.

    So anyhow... today is the first day. I have cancelled all activities for the rest of the week. I will not even be stepping outside to take the garbage to the garage for fear of being spotted.

    It has been 14 yrs and 1 month since anyone other than my husband (current and previous) have seen me with my glasses on. My new friends have never seen me and by now people who knew me back when I wore glasses have kind of forgotten about it. Just the way I like it.

    It is so weird. Because usually I am not a vain person at all. It is just the glasses that bother me. I guess its probably from being made fun of in school. I looked like a normal kid other than the fact that I had glasses that made my eyes look 10 times bigger than they were. I looked like two big eyeballs coming at ya.

    I realize in my head that glasses really don't change who I am at all. But I am still a big baby about the whole thing. It is retarded to think that a grown woman would stay in her house hiding out for days because she doesn't want to be seen with glasses on. Oh well.... I am retarded... There ain't no way I'm coming out.

    I will rejoin the rest of the world at about 11 am on Friday morning. After the appointment I can put my contacts back in.

    I thought about posting a picture from my glasses wearing days just for the amusement of those who might happen upon this blog, but after some thought...there ain't no way that I would even do that. Maybe one day I'll get over this silliness... but I doubt it.