I have been loading myself up with 'works' over the past few years thinking that I am pleasing God with all that I do. But in truth alot of the 'works' actually separate me from Him not draw me to Him. God's ultimate priority for me is to have a close and intimate relationship with Him. And whether I am busy with worldly things or busy with church things.... busy is still busy. Busyness leads me to believe that I just don't have the time to spend in prayer or reading the bible, because I need to 'do' something for God.
Kind of comical when you really think about it. What could I do for God? Hmmmm. He created and sustains the entire universe. He is sovereign over all time. His breath sustains my very existence. The list goes on and on... and yet some how I have allowed myself to believe that I am just to busy 'doing' things for Him to spend time with Him. OOOhhhh, pride is such a sneaky, nasty little sin.
But here is the backsliding confession.... after years of backsliding I convinced myself some how that the grace that God merifully provided for me thru His Son, Jesus Christ, wasn't enough. That God couldn't possibly just forgive me...like it says nearly a billion times throughout scripture (that goes back to that whole brightest bulb thing). Confession and repentence couldn't possibly be what God wanted. He wanted me to do things... lots of things... make up for lost time... I had to pay Him back some how for all the years I have missed out on.... man...I am dense. (That plan is not found in the bible anywhere. I guess I must have just wrote my own chapter.)
Psalms 51:16-17
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
I think it goes back to the whole "Babel" mentality. They thought they could work hard enough to build a structure, a tower, that would reach to God. But just as they didn't have a hope of doing so neither do I. I could work 24/7 for the entire rest of my life and never accumulate enough works to please God or satisfy His requirements. All those works stacked up would barely even get me off the ground. If that is my motive and mindset for service then my service is in vain.
The only hope I have is thru Christ. He knew I'd never be able to satisfy the requirements of God's holy law, so instead of encouraging me to work harder and just 'do my best', He went to the cross to bear something that I could never carry... the weight of my sin along with everyone else's. My only hope still is in Christ... thru His covering.
I don't say all of this to say that works aren't important. But our motives for service are everything. First, God wants me broken and humbled so that I can confess and repentent of sin... and then when my heart is clean and my relationship with God is restored that's when the works happen... but only with the right motive. Because I am so grateful for God's mercy that I want to please Him... which means no works of any kind can come between me and God. They can't steal His time. And they have to be His will... not mine.
ALL SERVICE IS FUELED BY SITTING AT THE FEET OF JESUS. Our time with God and time in prayer and the word feeds our service. If we have no relationship with God or we've minimized it until its negligible then the things we do lack power... that of the Holy Spirit. Only works that God calls us to do that we do with pure motives will last thru eternity.
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